


hand me downs

by keiman



Series: i might not like you but i doubt that i won't like you [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keiman/pseuds/keiman
Summary: you damn well are a good design.
Series: i might not like you but i doubt that i won't like you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581868
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	hand me downs

_you plant a kiss upon the top of the head resting upon your shoulder, praying it's light enough that he doesn't notice. he doesn't stir, so you suppose your prayers were answered. relieved somehow, you resume the_ tap-tap-tap _ping on the phone lying in your lap._

_he holds your free hand in his, brushing his finger against it and watching you play. it's quiet; the clicking of your nails on the screen resonates throughout the stairwell. his touch is gentle, so very warm– you're afraid he can hear the sound of your heart with how loud it's beating right now._

_after a while you end up passing the phone back to him; you're sure he's bored by now. still, neither of you say a word. the silence stretches between the both of you for a few seconds._

_tilting his head just barely, he says,_ so...? __

_you laugh a little in reply. a few beats of hesitation and confusion ensue, but soon enough he's pressed his lips on yours– you almost sigh into it, cupping his face in your hands, kissing back, eyes shut._

_neither of you know what you're doing but really it doesn't matter because he's here, you're here, it's just the two of you and you're happy. you pull away after a while, laugh into his shoulder, whisper,_ i love you _. it's all you can think about and all that you know– you're in love with this boy._

_you don't know how to deal with how you're feeling; you don't think you've loved anyone like this, as much as this, before. you hope he knows that, because you'd rather not have to admit it yourself. maybe he'd laugh. not that it bothered you; you like that sound._

_you sit there in silence for a while– inhale, exhale, doing nothing, saying nothing. you don't need to. don't want to. he's holding you and it makes you feel better, safe. it'd be nice if you stayed that way._

_he moves away again, blinks at you. it doesn't mean anything. you don't think there's nothing in particular that he's trying to communicate, but he's looking at you anyway. you meet his eyes, and then you kiss him again._

you wish you knew what happened. he was the last person you thought you'd end up with. you thought he'd forget. you thought _you'd_ forget. this wasn't a complaint, far from it really, but still you wonder why it ended up being him.

you love him, sure (maybe a little too much even), and you considered yourself lucky that you found him when you did. that he even gave you (gives you) the time of day. it's almost depressing how much you care for him. you hope he knows, and you hope he doesn't. you tell him you love him and you mean it, then take it back because you _wish_ you didn't.

 _what made him special_? even after thinking about it... you didn't know either. you liked him, but then again, you liked everyone. then one day you woke up and you found out that you liked him _best_ , the most out of everyone else. it's not like it was a conscious decision; he was your friend, and then suddenly he wasn't. but you didn't mind.

the _real_ problem showed itself when he told you he liked you too. then it got messy. one thing led to another– a year passed and now you're dating. you're happy. and it sucks **_ass_**. seriously.

 _you shift awkwardly on his lap. he'd taken to straddling (which, admittedly, you like doing too) but it gets uncomfortable after a while. burying your face into his neck you whisper your_ i love you _'s, hugging him a little tighter with each one._

...or so you wish. man, you _wish_. truth is, you haven't seen the guy in months and don't know when you will next. you're in love with him and that sucks enough on its own, but now you miss him and it's somehow even worse.

the distance gives you time to think, time to regret all the hesitation and all that could've been if you weren't so stupid. and the distance is slowly driving you insane. every day you wake up and he's the first thing on your mind, you waste away the whole day doing nothing until it's time for bed and he's also the last thing on your mind before your consciousness slips into black.

absentmindedly you twirl the keychain he gave you a while back around on your finger, the bell on its end ringing with every spin. you think, _i miss him_ , then tell yourself to shut up because you know that already, missing him's all you've done since you last saw each other.

everywhere you look you're reminded of him, from his sweater hanging outside the closet, the falsies lying on the shelf, to the stupid drawing you've put in your phone case.

it's inane, it's all so stupid, but you miss him and want to see him again soon, tell him you love him to his face one more time.

it'd be nice if he thought the same.


End file.
